Just Me...

Here I am sitting on my couch watching the Disney Channel. Yeah, I live a really swell life. All my friends and room mates are gone for the holiday and I am here in Nacogdoches working to pay my rent and bills. I don’t have a probelm with being here and working but sometimes it would be nice to do something other than sit and watch TV. I play with Dakota, my dog, but she can get annoying. I also would really like to get back into working out but lately I have just not had to energy or the drive to workout.

I mean the weather has been crappy and cold. I rented 3 movies, that’s how bored I am. Yet, I have not watched them yet but more than likely I will watch them tonight and tomorrow.

But the point is that I can’t help think that I have given up on a friendship that really meant a lot to me. Someone I could call to watch football, play soccer or just be myself around. I keep telling myself that I need to write him a letter and mail it to the vet office that his dad works at and just appoligize for cutting him off when he really didn’t do anything and I just went nutzo!

I have had several dreams about him. Some kissing each other and some just looking into each other’s eyes and just completely falling for him. I don’t know what it is and why I have been having these dreams. It bothers me because maybe it’s a sign that I need to get back in contact or something. I really don’t know I just wish I knew…

Sometimes life happens and you have to make the best of it.

I am sure every one watching the Cowboys game last night felt a pain in their heart when Freely kicked the football through those uprights. Well, I am here to tell all you “fans” who are giving up faith or doubt the ability to win, that you should not call yourself a fan. A fan knows the reality of a loss. A fan feels the pain when a catch is missed, or a ball is thrown away. A real fan sits through an entire game, even when you know a win is dismal.

Yes, I have missed a few games and in the beginning of he season I was real about my feelings toward winning or losing. I didn’t hype up my team just because I feel they need some hype. I was real and I could face the reality. But I never gave up hope. I still put on my jersey every game day! I still bought tickets to a game. And I still have my Dallas Cowboys Star on the back of my car!

I am a true fan and will always be a true fan. So to those of you who believe yourselves to be True Blue Fans.. think again and ask yourself are you still a fan after this unlucky season?

As much as I have tried to grow a back-bone and tried to keep my employees in check it’s really hard when they are constantly walking all over me.

I am strict and I try my best to be the boss, be the manager, it’s hard when they constantly think I won’t do anything or stick behind my word.

It;s frustrating because I do give this job my all. I work my ass off and do what I can do bring in more people and for them to just disrespect me the way they do it really makes me mad and upset.

Life is all about choices.

You have to decide if this choice is going to be better than that one and where is it going to take me if I do choose this one?

Sometimes you choose the wrong one and end up hurt and broken. But you know what that choice, that decision, ultimately will lead you to something better.

You are the compass to your life’s journey and you have to decide; you have to choose which way to go.

Don’t regret choosing a certain path, and don’t give up if one comes to a dead end… turn around, pick your stuff up off the ground and head out in a new direction.

Right now I am having the time of my life! I am flirting with guys and I honestly don’t know what will happen. One night stand? Maybe… who knows. (I could never do anything like that)

But what I am saying is you just have to have fun. We are too busy concerning ourselves with the petty stuff that shouldn’t really bother us but does that we forget how to live.

We forget that every breath we take is given to us and it can be taken away at any moment.

So let go of the fear and the doubt.

Do something crazy.

HAVE FUN!

Get out there and turn your life around! Get your hind quarters up off the floor and out of that dark shadowy state you are in and just LIVE!

Spark up a conversation with someone you don’t know.

Help someone out that needs a hand.

Run… for miles, until you see the sun set on the horizon.

Let your feet guide you.

Let your mind free of any misguidance.

You can be more than you have ever wanted to be if you just let go.

Let go of what is holding you back and just breathe in a sigh of relief that every choice you make isn’t always going to turn out to be a bad one.

:)

Just live…

Life can be pretty crazy.

From falling for a really great guy to being completely free and not having to worry about anyone but me, myself and I.

It’s one of the greatest feelings in the world. Finally putting myself first.

But I still have that feeling that something is there. I don’t think anything is going to happen right now or maybe a year from now but deep down I have a feeling that Prince Chamring was right in front of me.

Yeah, it was crappy of him to play me and then end up courting some other girl and now they are in a relationship but what happens when that all falls apart? What happens when he realizes that he really does love me?

I know it’s not over. I know there is some sort of future there. Maybe it’s hidden right now but eventually something will happen.

I’m being honest and this is what I really feel.

I honestly feel that he loves me. I feel that if I gave up and just quit trying I would have given up an opportunity to truly be happy.

Nothing is going to make me more happy than finding one man that will love me for everything that I am. From the burping and farting to the football loving girl I am. One man who can look me in the eyes and love me for me and see me for who I am not who ever he wants or thinks I can be.

In the next ten years here what I want to happen:

I want to get my MBA in General Business
I want to own Smoothie King by the time I am 25
I want to apply for a coaching job at Nac High
I want to continue to coach soccer, whether I get paid or not
I want to start a family

I have goals in my life. Someone great is going to come along a fit right into my goals. Whether it be a friend or someone I meet coaching or just here in Nacogdoches; someday he will fit in and someday he will come.

I’m happy right now, not having to worry about another person but myself and my work. I don’t even envy those who are about to get married or those in realationships because right now taking care of myself is my number one priority.

Sometimes yes, I wish THE ONE would just come sweep me off my feet and be there when ever I needed someone to snuggle with or someone to just talk to whenever I needed someone to talk to would be nice but right now that’s not in my timeline.

I still have hope that Prince Charming is out there. Yeah, I think Garth will one day realize how he feels about me and he’ll come around but right now all I have is time and time is all I got :)