Broken
October 22, 2010:
Possibly the worst day I’ve had in a while. I’ve never felt pain like that before and I still don’t know how I am going to recover. I saw Garth at Ihop. No big deal right? Wrong! He was with another girl and I was told they were holding hands. At that point my entire world came crashing down harder than baseball sized hail. My chest hurt, it was hard to breathe, all I could do was cry. I sat at the table broken.
I trusted him. I trusted him with my heart and he left it broken in 1 million shattered pieces on the floor in Ihop. I still don’t know how to pick myself up from the floor because a lot of me wants to believe there is still hope. But everything happens for a reason and I just have to figure everything out.
Friday and Saturday were the first time in a while where I wasn’t worried about texting him or talking to him. He did text me on Friday but I didn’t respond back. I sat there, looked at it and just walked away. I wasn’t ready to open that door. I wasn’t ready to talk. I’m not ready to play his little game.
I fell for Garth faster than I have fallen for anyone. Do I regret it? No, because I do believe there is a place in my life for Garth. I believe that he is going to realize what and how much I truly mean to him.
But right now my biggest fear is that Garth and this other girl are going to hit it off and I’m left out in the cold with nothing but a broken heart. I don’t want that to happen. I want to tell him exactly how I felt and feel right now.
So I’m going to tell him (right here):
Garth,
………… (drawing a blank, lots of emotions) ………..
I don’t know what I did or what I said, but what ever it was I’m sorry. I don’t know if you ever picked up on the fact that I like you. Yeah, I like you Garth. And not just as friends who see each other every so often, and not as best friends who are like brother and sister, but as someone who I could share my love for sports with. Someone who picked me out of a crowd and said, “There she is!” Someone who means the world to me. The day you saw me was the day I fell for you. You didn’t care how I looked, you cared about me. You cared about my feelings and you saw me when I was invisible to everyone else. I thought we had something. Maybe we still do. But seeing you here with her really broke me Garth. I know I’m crying and my eyes are all puffy, just like the time when my car broke down, and I know you care and you want to be the one to wipe the tears from my eyes and tell me everything is going to be okay. I know. You were more than just another guy to me Garth. Your hugs and your touch meant more to me than money or expensive things. Knowing you cared about me was worth more than anything I know. So here I am, standing in front of you, swallowing my pride and telling you I’m sorry. Sorry for what ever it was. Just remember this Garth: to the world you may be just one person… but to one person you may just be their world.
