Checkmate
It’s crazy how every sign points to you and I sit back and just hope something is going to happen. The only way anything is going to happen between us is if I do something about it. What has taken me so long to realize this? Throughout my entire body I have not one inch of fear that you would “reject me,” I still hold my tongue and wait for you to make your move.
It’s absolutely insane that I can feel so strongly for one person. This genuine passion runs through my veins and floods my heart. I can pretend that you don’t really mean that much to me, but I would be lying through my teeth.
I know you feel comfortable being around me, I know I can put that great smile on your face, I know you feel the same way about me, I just don’t know how to get you to show it.
Being around you my world is complete. I try to invite you to things but you always seem to find some answer as to not show up, or you just plain don’t respond to my texts. But any other time we are together it is amazing. I just don’t get it. You flirt non-stop when it’s just the two of us, so why don’t you step up and just say something.
I know have fallen for you, but I can’t say it out loud. Right now, I feel it. I’m not ready to say those 3 words out loud to my friends yet because last time, I rushed things and became blind. I don’t want to rush into things with you. I don’t want to push something too far and have us fall apart. I can’t risk that. I can’t risk losing you.
Dream after dream after dream of what it would be like to be with you is all I have right now. Dreams are great fantasies but I want to know what it feels like to be with you. I want to know what it feels like to hold your hand. I want to know what it feels like to kiss you. I want to know what it feels like to have someone love you back.
I’ve run into you at odd hours and places this week, which just makes me wonder why? Why would I run into you here?
1: Walmart- it’s odd because he never shops. He hates big corporate stores like Walmart and so it was odd that I would run into him in the parking lot.
2: Today (6/2/10) at around 1:30 AM. What was I doing up? Taking Liam back home but on my way back, I looked over to my right and LOW AND BEHOLD his truck is sitting in someone’s driveway. The drivers side door was cracked open but it might have been a little bit creepy had I stopped. But of all places and of all the times… I mean really?
Yes, I think about him and what it would be like to actually be happy and be with him. Have I made the next step and just said something? Nope. I don’t know what’s holding me back, other than the fact that I just haven’t done it yet. But driving by and seeing his truck kind of put something into perspective:
I can’t sit around anymore. I have to make the move to get the ball rolling. I cannot let fear hold me back.
I might have already missed my chance… If I haven’t already: I can’t take that risk.
When it all comes down to it: at the end of the day you are the one person I want to be with. The one person I wake up to, and the one person I give my whole heart to.
