Courage
It’s a funny thing.. courage. It can come in many forms from liquid to spiritual. But when courage is needed it never fails. It might not come in the bright shiny package that you were looking for… but it’s there, you just have to dig a little deeper.
Courage helps you get past the fear of moving forward. Courage gives you ability to pick up that phone and say what you feel. Courage picks you up when all you want to do is lie down and accept defeat. Courage gives you the strength to tell someone you love them.
It’s a funny thing.. courage. Take it as you may and as you need it, but courage will never fail you.
About 6 months ago i let go of someone who took up an entire year of my life. I transformed into someone I would not recognize and someone I thought he could love. I thought I loved him, but I only loved the thought of being with someone. It took me an entire year to realize my whole heart was not in the relationship, whatever type of relationship it was.
I thought I have him my all when in fact I wasn’t giving him anything. How could I have given him anything if I was not giving him myself. It is truly amazing to me to see how far I have come in the six months since that day. It took 20 minutes for me to realize he would never get it, he would never understand that I wanted something more, he would never understand I was worth it, but it took 365 days to come to this realization.
My point was to lead to this. If something is not meant to be you cannot put your whole heart into it. You hold back and give less than your all. But once you find that one person who you can be everything you’ve ever wanted to be… courage steps in.
I don’t hold back anymore. He deserves my entire heart and not just a piece of it. Every day is better than the last. I know I love him, truly and geniunly love him, but instead of telling the whole world how I feel about him, I don’t want to say it until I can say it to him.
That’s the difference. When courage is present you do things differently. I had the courage to tell him I get nervous every time I try and say something. I had to courage to ask him to the lake and to a movie. I have the courage to love him, even after I thought I was never going to love again.
After falling by the way-side and finding the courage to move on with life and get MY life back, I found the one person that made me feel whole. I found that one person that no matter what happened he was there to put a smile on my face. I found the one person that I could be me and be all of me.
I want so badly to be his, to love him. I trust in the fact that God’s timing is perfect and he has a reason for everything. Whether it be to break me down only to build me back up, or to stick an obstical in my way only to find a way around it… everything happens for a reason. I have to trust in my heart to lead me and guide me to happiness.
The truth is, I was blind and had no idea what love was. Love is a strong 4 letter word that changes lives, I don’t think I am ready for my life to change just yet, but one day I’ll be ready.
Courage… it’s a funny thing.
